I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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