i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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