So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You smell like stripper and shame
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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