his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
