the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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