I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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