I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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