I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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