So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
