You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn victory sex feels great
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
