dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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