Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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