so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
