Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
