New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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