sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
