i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Randomize
