I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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