I smell stomach acid.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
