I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
