Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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