READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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