don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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