i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
