remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
