Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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