just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
