Michael Bay diarrhea
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
