I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My life is pants optional.
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