drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
