Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
