Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
