He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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