I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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