Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
