im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
