i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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