i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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