I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
