1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
