sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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