Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
