the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
