I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
