it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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