we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
