Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
