Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
