its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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