so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
now i know why i became what i already was.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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